Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Not done, but better

While the tragedy of the past few months are over for now, I'm doing better. Fine most days and happy in my heart.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Homeless

I know I need to write, but am utterly without words. Even talking to people right now is painful.

Saturday, January 09, 2010

Mom

About a year ago, my mom started having much more severe breathing problems. She was hospitalized several times. She was diagnosed with COPD. Her kidneys have always been a problem also and she has congestive heart disease. Toward the end of last year all of this really caught up with her when her medications were all stripped away by her doctor, who was trying to get to the bottom of what she had been prescribed vs. what she really needed. Her body filled up with fluid and nearly drowned her. This was September/October, and the first I had learned about her condition (mom has a severe paranoia of being talked about so she relates as little information to the anyone as possible).
Mom had been in the hospital for quite a long while but was unable to go home. Last summer mom and dad were essentally living in their front yard because they had litterally hoarded themselves out of their house and mom couldn't live outside in the cold winter months to come. (Loving friends helped them get their front yard into order to prevent heavy fines from the city.)
Lisa found a social worker at the hospital, who also happened to be the head nurse, who also happens to have hoarding parents. The nurse helped us complete the paperwork and the ability to place mom in a convelescent home.
Mom is not an easy person. While living there she turned the facility into the state for investigation. This did not make her life there very easy. She really wanted to be doted on and cared for compassionately, but never inspired this treatment.
Right now mom is in ICU and we'll see how she is doing. I am going up today. I know she is sick, and possibly dying, but she inspires so much fear, anger, and dread in me. I am still not sure that she will let herself die. For most of my life she has been drawing away from God, holding a mean little grudge against Him and all of creation.

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Entrance Essay take 1

"Shhhhhhh!" my sister hissed, finger tight to lips. "There's someone at the door!" she mouthed. All action froze, all movement ceased. We were champs at Red-light Green-light. In between schools, again. This scenario happened multiple times. Of course the person knocking could only have been a) a Truant Officer, b) the Health Department, c) the Collection Agency, d) the Auditor, or e) Child Protective Services. Often we would scamper, blinds drawn, to the back of the house avoiding any hard tattling foot falls and wait until the coast was clear. Fears as installed by an undereducated mother.

So much of my early schooling was spent this way. "Home school." Mom running errands. Dad in Alaska or out trying to drum up business for his refrigeration repair company, a one man show.

We were withdrawn from public school part way through my first grade year partly due to the Ramona, the Pest books being read in my older sister's class room. But, possibly more because in addressing the situation with the teacher and the Principal my mom had become offended and loosed her wrath--a venomous cocktail of tirade, tantrum and just plain ugly. Don't cross R.H.

Somehow we bounced from private school to private school, all religious, all running into the same problem. They crossed whatever invisible line set off mom grabbing her kids out of school mid term. I don't recall ever finishing a grade in elementary school.

Things were bad financially in Seattle in the early 80's. Dad was out of work completely or he was often away in Alaska working on fishing boats. Mom was slipping into some severe illnesses, some mental, some physical. Her house began to fill with stuff. Pathways around the house were harnessed with unwashed clothes, trash that never was taken out, collections of junk, multiple animals. My father couldn't seem to keep jobs, he was later diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder caused by some occurrences in Vietnam. Perhaps because of Mom's unbridled tongue, our neighbors pulled out our shrubbery, shot pellets through our windows and tried to set the house on fire. My mom fled the neighborhood and set up camp at a church owned property in the wilds of Washington state. To my sisters and I, this seemed like fun--camping in the mountains. Dad would join us whenever he could.

The house in Fall City was foreclosed. We moved east to Cle Elum. Because of some incorrect accusations we moved to Ellensburg. We lived in the Branding Iron Motel and later the trailer park behind it. Part of my fourth and all of my 5th grade years were spent playing "home school." I recall sitting my sisters down, playing teacher and giving assignments out of our school books. These were actual instruments of learning procured at a private school in Ellensburg when we had finally settled into a sweet little house. Mom had started a candy shop, and Dad was still trying to keep his business in Seattle going. And so, with no parental guidance or supervision the draw of the rope swing, Barbie, or the The Love Boat far surpassed any schoolwork. After a few months that house, too, was repossessed. We moved in to a few small rooms behind the candy shop. When the candy shop failed, we moved into the warehouse where our furniture was stored. There were so many more things to worry about, other than school!

Things became desperate when the man who owned the warehouse discovered my family living there. Mom went to Wenatchee to find a temp job as a receptionist. We all moved into the homeless shelter where she was living. Later we moved in with a family from church for a few months until mom could come up with enough money for a down payment on a mobile home. My sisters and I started school at Wenatchee Adventist Junior Academy. I was in 6th grade. My sisters and I worked as cleaning crew after school to defer the costs. My study skills were abominable but I persisted. I learned so much from the kindness that was shown to my family during the three years at that school. Hugh Winn, the principal, was so gentle and good with my mom. She trusted him enough to keep us in his school.

My first time back to public school was for 9th grade; in East Wenatchee, that meant junior high. I don't know what changed that year for us, other than Dad was working full time at a branch of University of Washington and we were able to buy a house. At this point I wish I could say I graduated with honors. But I did not. I loved my classes. I loved to learn, but I had very little practice at getting assignments in on time, no parental support to do well, and no understanding of how much I was depriving myself. I was an outstanding student in the arts--theater, writing, painting, drawing entirely consumed me, but I was terrible at turning in assignments. I learned to sew when I was 15. It was like turning on the lights in my life. I sewed so much and turned in so much that the Home Ec teacher had to rewrite her grading system. Of the 500 points it took to get an A in her class, I got over 1800 points.

Somehow I graduated high school and went to Ricks College (now Brigham Young University-Idaho). Through out my life I had felt so isolated from having friends by my mother's irrational behavior. When I first got to college I was swept away in a whirlwind of new friends, new classmates, new thoughts, new me! I loved my classes but like Bode Miller, I blew off the Olympics for the Olympic parties. By the time I had settled into a lifestyle of learning I was on academic probation with suspension looming in the foreground. I shaped up. I was getting myself together. And a good friend committed suicide. It rocked my world. I struggled with a deep untreated depression, lost 40 pounds, and struggled with thoughts of my own demise--all this and I was still fighting battles at home. Suspended? I was. Depressed? Yes. Failed? Not on your life! I continued classes at the Extended Education Department and got back into school full time to finish up my Associate of Arts degree in Fashion Design and Production.

My depression broke one night before my last year as I was meditating and praying. I felt God's love overpower me and I knew I needed to share that love by serving as a missionary for Him. I did that in Australia in 1993-1994. This was my real training for my marathon life. I learned so much about endurance and perseverance. This was an amazing experience.

When I returned I knew I needed to go back to school. I had so many friends attending school in Utah, I decided that would be a great place for me to go. I packed all my belongings in the back of a friend's Bronco and with $500 in the bank set off for a new life. I applied to BYU. I later worked in the costume shop there, I taught the Into to Theater sewing class, but I could not be a student there--too many credits, not enough GPA. I did learn a lot about costume construction in their costume shop.

After having seen lives change and being part of so much personal growth in Australia, I felt a need to help others. For two years I worked in the Crisis Unit at Heritage Schools, a Residential Treatment Center for troubled teens. I loved my work. I was able to touch lives there, as a leader among kids who really needed leading. I was Employee of the Month twice. But the need to continue my education nagged at me.

I began attending classes at Utah Valley State College (now Utah Valley University). My education was haphazard. I took classes that I was interested in and enjoyed including Russian. I made the Dean's list! From January-April 1998 I spent a semester in Arctic Russia teaching English to school children. This was a really special opportunity through the United Way. I walked on icepack for 3 months, never touching the ground and never feeling the warmth of the sun. I was the only native English speaker for about 500 miles. The woman I stayed with, Tatiana, taught about 70 hours a week at different local schools and colleges. At night she would tell me what it was like before the Cold War ended. She cried a lot--me, too.

When I returned another opportunity presented its self. I was able to assist with costumes for a period film, a documentary for my church. I traveled across the U.S. and part of Canada with the crew as wardrobe assistant for 8 weeks. This was a wacky, fun, wild experience and I learned a lot. This experience opened the door for me at BYU, as a stitcher in their costume shop. I gradually became a First Hand to the men's tailor. I met my John in October that year, we married the following April.

As a young married I worked for Utah Valley State College as their Costume Shop Manager. This was so much a sink or swim situation! I felt I had so little experience in a costume shop! But I perfected my Butterfly stroke and was awarded Staff of the Year in 2000-2001 school year. Part of my experience there was teaching college students to sew. One holiday season I offered my time and abilities to anyone who wanted to learn to sew. We made over 180 stuffed animals, toys and dolls which we donated to the local Women in Crisis Shelter. I took classes sporadically, however I was also working at Utah Opera, BYU's costume shop, designing for local theaters and bits of contract film work--as well as playing adoring and supportive wife to my husband who was in school full time and working at BYU. Life was busy and so very good! I have never missed a deadline in my professional life.

When John graduated we packed up the house and came to California for work. In September of 2004 I began working at Opera Pacific as First Hand to the Men's Cutter/Draper. Within four years I was promoted to Head Cutter. The opera's last show was my time to shine. It was a beautiful show. I also work for American Ballet Theater in New York, South Coast Repertory in Costa Mesa and at the UC Irvine costume shop.

I love my work. I love what I do! I am compelled toward higher education. I have learned from my experiences throughout my life and want to share what I have learned with others. My goal in life is to teach what I know at a university level. In order to do this, I must finish my degree in Theater Arts and go on to gain my Masters and possibly my Doctorate in Costumes . I have persisted and striven for excellence in my life. I am proud of my persistence. My life has been a beautiful journey. I have come so far, I have so far to go, I am grateful for where I am. I will close now with a quote by Ralf Waldo Emerson, "That which we persist in doing becomes easier, not that the task itself has become easier, but that our ability to perform it has improved." Thus is my life.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

OK, so Taiwan was completely amazing and there are stories to tell, but right now I am feeling humbled, excited, grateful. Thank to Holly. I met with someone today who is going to help me navigate these confusing waters of education. Se awesome!!!

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Second Day

We woke up early--like 3 am, ate a snack then went back to bed.
Later we walked up and had a crazy egg and chicken sandwich. Food is so weird and good, and gross. You think, oh a chicken sandwich, that sounds good. But you get it and there is always something distinctly Asian about it. Like the bread is all wrapped in a fried pancake type thing with really awesome sauce. Good, just not what you were expecting. Corn on the cob--yum right? Well, yes, but not what you would expect. Though it was cooked it was cold and before he handed it to me, he covered it with soy sauce, Chinese 5 spice and red pepper--he asked if I wanted the red pepper.
Later we met Matt and went to the botanical gardens. This huge arboretum with a giant dragonfly statue. There are so many beautiful plants--orchids, trees with blossoms that look like fuzzy snails, all sorts of fruit trees. There is a pond in the lower area by the gift shop that had these huge fresh water fish--like 7-8 feet long and just a guess that they weigh more than my dad.
There were a load of school kids at the gardens who were all very interested in trying out their Engrlish on us. I had a great time taking pictures with a few groups. They wanted to know how tall I am and I wrote on my hand "2m" they all gasped. (for those who know me, you know I am not really 2 meters, but it is always fun to exaggerate this sort of thing with kids!).
When we came out of the arboretum, it looked like it was ready to pour rain, so we jumped on the scooters and scooted up to this awesome little turkey place. Turkey over rice with sides of steamed cabbage and stir fried greens with tea-eggs and miso with some weird translucent brown things floating in it--again, good, but not what you would expect.
As we were scooting our way to the mall (a 17 story building department store with all kinds of stuff in it--some western, some "what the heck?") JE said "it is funny that I am totally at ease with this."Driving here is probably the biggest adventure ever. There is a rhythm and a flow to the madness. I now "get" Asian drivers. Everything is at a relaxed pace, and as long as you go slow you can do just about anything. Another element is just to never look in your peripheral vision, never look behind you, and proceed forward. Most of the vehicles on the road are scooters, most with only one passenger. Sometimes you see whole families on a scooter--gramma, ma, and 2 year old.
We met April and George at the Sogo (mall) and went to the Sega Sonic Hedgehog arcade. In the arcade they had these awesome photo booths that allow you to touch up the pictures afterward with all kinds of funny cartoons and words, some Engrlish some not. My fav was "let's get dance! We got some sweet pics with the five of us. Will post later! Matt had to go back to work so we hung out and looked at funny kids clothes with lots of funny English on them--Carrot Love. So cute! We found somethings for Meri, but when we took it to the register and discovered that it was 4 times the price and not great quality (cute, but not great) we nixed the idea.
We met Matt at the night market (it started pouring just after we parked the scooters) and bought little "Iranian" sandwiches with chicken and cheese. Good, just plain good. We also got these strange little"sweet pastries" that were filled with red beans, or taro, or sweet potato. The exterior was something like a regular ice cream cone--like the actual cone part. The inside was a thick sweet paste. Good, well interestingly fun. I would buy the taro again.
We spent some time in some very Taiwanese shops--the $10 shop ($33 Taiwan dollars are equivalent to $1 USD) and the crazy lousy English T-shirts. We laughed until we got really creeped out and then left. The night markets are really fun, a bit hair raising ( I was talking with Matt on the street filled with foot traffic when the guy on a scooter comes directly toward us going a fair clip. Quite a few people moved out of his way, but we didn't hear him until he was just a couple feet from us--actually a few inches from me , he came to a dead stop and waited for me to move. I didn't. He was stopped and I wanted to see what he would do if I didn't move. He waited a few seconds, and then scooted around me. Dork!" (I just read this to Matt who informed me that there was a motorcycle who had come up right behind me. I am glad I didn't move or I could have been motorcycle goo!).) They are filled with all sorts of food, cool cheap goods, loads of people and scooter accessories.
When I was in Russia, I had a fairly traumatic experience with a toilet there and I think it scarred me for life. One of the things I have been most concerned with is the Taiwanese toilets. I had my first experience with a squat toilet. So much simpler that anything Russian! Phew! What a relief!
We have been laughing ourselves silly with the photo booth pictures since we got home. So silly! I can hardly wait to scan them to share them with you all!!!

Monday, April 06, 2009

Taiwan travels

We left the house on the 4th and headed to the train station, our most important possessions strapped to our backs and the not so important but seeming essential things stuffed into one medium sized suitcase. We trekked though Union Station and met my cousins at the curb. For the next few hours , we enjoyed Thai food and "milk" along with good conversation and fun.
When we arrived at the check in counter, got our stuff checked through and turned to face the huge security test, the line had almost completely disappeared. We shot through, only to wait at the gate for a couple hours. The airport is a great place to do homework--I studied for a test and JE slept.
After we boarded I had this surreal moment when I recognized the song drifting in my head. "Doesn't speak the language, holds no currency, he is a foreign man, he is surrounded by the sound, sound. Angels in the market place, spinning in infinity. We flew 7,491 miles today in a 747 in 14.5 hours into 140 mile an hour headwinds. We were 1.5 hours late to our destination because of those headwinds.
At the Taipei airport we took the green bus to Chao Ma. Here is where our luggage seemed a hindrance. I wanted to abandon some of our luggage and go off into the great unknown. Taipei looks like a fun place to explore.
The green bus is a hoot. I don't understand the logic of the curtains in these buses. Each bus has elaborate window dressings--with ruffles included. Everything on the bus is green, upholstery, carpet, curtains, walls, ceilings. At the airport we saw an animatronic "guy" waving down traffic with light sticks.
We barely slept (this entry may be a bit scattered--I am very sleepy!).
As we traveled down to Taichung we saw many rice fields and gardens. There were Giant Screaming Gold Budahs set up next to the road, and tiny quiet wayside temples.
I love the flora of different countries. Things are blooming right now.
We arrived at the bus station and April pulled up with 2 year old George, on her scooter. Traffic here is crazy, but it works because people are all on the same page. Generally traffic is slow, meandering, and lawless. Laws are suggestions.
We went to lunch with Matt, JE and I doubling on April's scooter. I have a pinch of video, which I am debating putting on the web. If someone were to send this to my mom, we would be flying up to attend her funeral! Hair raising!!! But fun!
People here are so friendly to foreigners and try their darnedest to speak with us in English. Signage is a bit wild. I will soon add some pics to this entry.
After lunch April, George, JE and I took a nice long walk around the industrial park and rice fields. There is such a mingling of nature, manufacturing, and farming here. Egrets on the beanpoles of vegetable gardens between manufacturing plants.
We crashed around 4pm and slept for couple hours, then walked around the city and found stuff to eat.
Now it is time for bed and a much needed time for bed!